Change the Healing Engery of Faith in Pain and Suffering

Do you look at your own reflection in the mirror and ask yourself....how did I get to this point? Have you ever traced the lines under your eyes, tracing past salty tears at the hurts from so-called loved ones who have used, manipulated, and betrayed. Have you ever glared at your face in the mirror and just wanted to run simply because you detest your own reflection? Who am I? When did my own life begin working against me rather than working for me? Where do I go from here? Perhaps, my friends, we need change?

The idea of change is epidemic. We want to change our spouse, our boyfriend, the President, the economy, our friends, our finances, our bedroom, our style, our nail polish, our parents, our children, etc...

Can we? We talk endlessly about others and environment in futile gossip or venting sessions. We talk about the difficulties and struggles of our own lives. Yet, despite all our timeless heart-felt intentions of change, we rarely take actions to change where change really begins, ourselves.

In the business of your daily errands, do you stop to FEEL yourself? Are you running from one person to another, seeking something...ANYTHING...to FEEL something other than pain or a flat numbness? Can you gleefully smile and laugh in a party, while inside, your heart is crying out, "HELP ME?" Are you looking for a significant relationship so that you can feel something other than the fear of yourself, an empty nothingness, an endless spin cycle of same old routines and motions?

Why not give yourself everything that you have given to others? Despite what we survivors may feel or believe in their denial of ourselves, we are worthy, intelligent, and strong. How else, friends, could we have survived the circumstances and chaos of our lives How else could we have survived the relationships who hurt, betrayed, abandoned, tried to destroy the core of our very being? We are alive and how much more do we have to offer to this broken world? Give ourselves the permission by an act of choice to love ourselves. Who else, fellow survivors, have ever given us the choice of choice?

Begin with self because healing flows inside out. One cannot go out to battle with a broken leg. Take an hour a day to listen feel compassion for ourselves first. How much more then will we be able to be present to others without the mental fights of things to do or "I shouldn't have done that," or "I'm stupid, I can't do anything right," or 'I'm so damn tired." Our heart is pleading to us, "STOP! TAKE CARE OF ME!" Yet, we survivors often feel unworthy to treat ourselves the way we have always fantasized of being treated. It is not because of who you are, trust me friends. Rather, is the the consequences of repeated conditioning of our abusers/perpetrators swearing, deceiving, betraying, abandoning, hitting, using us to believe these hidden lies. In all their actions to destroy our self worth, we become "comfortable" in their control right down to the deep beliefs we hold within our hearts. It is NOT our fault we stayed. It is NOT our fault we got raped. There is no need to torment ourselves in rationalizations, excuses, figuring out the whys. Simply the fault the hurts, these very beliefs tha lie to you belongs rightfully on our abusers. Given the intensity and fears of our abusers and the degree of control and power they had over us, what other alternative did we truly have? Even if there were some viable safe alternatives to escape their control, when could we ever stop to reflect on the intelligence of that decision? We were too busy surviving, covering our tracks, walking on egg shells to avoid the next abusive session. Fellow survivors, we are innocent, beautiful child of Father God.